Why Great Men Fall

Lately, Rep. Anthony Weiner has been all over the news.  Late-night comedians have been mocking his actions... and, obviously, his name.  His wife and family must endure endless questions from the media.  And, as more and more in his party demand his resignation, his future looks bleak.  

Of course, he is not alone.  More and more men -- especially those in high-profile positions -- are being caught in scandal.  No wonder St. Paul writes to ALL men, "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." (1 Cor. 10:12 NASB)

Christian counselor and author Wayne Goodall has some Father's Day thoughtful warnings for men who wish to protect themselves and those they love from Rep. Weiner's fate.  

For more than three decades, I have had the privilege of working with leaders. Watching talented people succeed because of hard work, great ideas, and wise choices is a thrill. Watching them go too far, risk too much, and make choices that compromise their career and family is shocking and very sad. A thousand times I have thought: Why did he decide to have that affair?

Many who ask “Why?” fear that the same thing could happen to them. They should be concerned – because it could. All of us are vulnerable. We have feet of clay and successful people have fallen since the beginning of mankind. Adam did. Cain did. Abraham lied. His son Isaac did the same. At all levels, among all genders, ages, cultures, occupations, and positions, people have made decisions that cost them too much.

Some ask “Why?” because they fear for their organization, university, company, or church. When a leader falls, it is expensive. It can take months, years, and possibly decades to rebuild confidence and trust. Productivity and fruitfulness are lost.

There are reasons people make bad choices, and it doesn’t happen overnight. There is an evolution – one thought, decision, or move at a time. They decided to go to the wrong place, ask the wrong question, look at illegal or immoral materials, or have a conversation with someone they knew was compromising. The behavior began somewhere. When their lives are analyzed, there are hints, oversights, and road bumps. The thought process had been going on, but the decision wasn’t made until the opportunity presented itself.

I don’t believe this kind of life-altering failure just hits like a brick on some particular day. There is a process – sometimes it can be short-lived – sometimes it works on a person for years.

Some men who have begun walking on the precipice of compromise call it a perk of their position and believe that they have rights that others do not have. Their thought may be, "I’ve earned this, and I deserve it because of who I am."

Some actually have the ability to do something morally wrong and then walk into another room and conduct business in a professional way. For instance, a minister I once talked with met ladies in the bar of whatever hotel he was staying in (the hotel that was near the church he was speaking in on Sunday). He would lie about his career, get her to his room, and do his thing. Then, somehow, he would isolate that behavior in a “mental room” and go to sleep, wake up in the morning, and preach about righteousness. That doesn’t make sense to most of us, but some have become really good at compartmentalization.

Executives, CEOs, CFOs, politicians, pastors, priests, etc. can all begin to rationalize. Regardless of how long it took before they were caught or why they thought they could do it – the end result was the same. Incredible loss – shock to those who admire them – distrust in the organization – hundreds leave the church. Many of us put the newspaper down and ask ourselves, “Are there any leaders out there that we can trust?”

There are and you can be one of them.

Over the years, I have observed at least 14 different characteristics that seem to be the tipping points for these leaders in their decision to do wrong. All of us have these basic tendencies; however some develop them to a point where they go over the edge.

Ask yourself these questions as you build a protective fence around your life:

• Do I feel a sense of entitlement? – “I deserve this because of who I am or what I do.”
• Am I a gifted entrepreneur, but my life is out of balance?
• Do I have the ability to compartmentalize my moral choices? Can I do something wrong and then mentally put it aside while I do something right?
• Do I expect my employees and peers to keep quiet when I do questionable things?
• Am I a “high risk” man who loves the adrenaline rush of danger or compromise?
• Am I a magnet for women? Do they love my power, money, influence, and personality?
• Is my integrity in check?
• Am I surrounded with “yes men” with very little accountability?
• Do I compromise my conscience?
• Who is my mentor? Who am I a mentor to?
• Do I play by my own rules? Do I have an ethical code?
• Do I handle stress in a healthy way?
• What do I do with my money? Integrity includes both my physical and my financial self.
• Are my moods under control?
• Have I found a balance with money, sex, and power?

Remember that men who are stronger than you and me have made very bad decisions. Men who are weaker have made good decisions. The gift of choice can be the greatest blessing you have, and it can be the choice that severely damages you.

But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful.

When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it. 

(1 Cor. 10:13 NLT)

This article was adapted from Wayde Goodall’s book Why Great Men Fall.

Strength for Today

"God is our refuge and our strength..."
Psalm 46:1

Modern Concubines

Alan Wisdom has a brilliant article in Salvo, bringing back a word we need again and showing how different “just living together” and marriage really are:

In ancient times, there was an option for a man who desired a regular sex partner but did not wish to marry her. He could take a low-status woman as a concubine. He could enjoy her company as long as it pleased him, and he could dismiss her at any time. The man made no promises and signed no contract; consequently, the concubine had few legal protections. Any children that she bore would have an inferior legal status.

The early Church fought long and hard against concubinage. It insisted that such a sexual relationship, without the permanent and total commitment expressed in marriage vows, was immoral and unjust. Over the course of a thousand years, concubinage retreated into the shadows of social disapproval.

In the past 40 years, it seems, concubinage has come to light again under a different name. Like ancient concubinage, contemporary cohabitation is a deliberately ambiguous relationship. The partners make no promises and have no legal obligations to one another. The arrangement has no specified duration and can be terminated at a moment’s notice. Those who cohabit tend to be of lower social status. Their children, on average, do not fare as well as children born to married couples.

Defenders of cohabitation portray it as just a more flexible form of marriage. The love is the same as in marriage, they say; all that is missing is “a piece of paper,” the marriage certificate. Some see cohabitation as a “trial marriage.” They assume that living together will confirm a couple’s compatibility and reduce the odds that a subsequent marriage might end in divorce.

Social science does not support any of these assertions. By every measure, cohabitation is a very different relationship from marriage. Marriages are formed by a series of decisive, publicly announced events: A proposal is made, it is accepted, an engagement is announced, friends and family gather for a wedding, vows and rings are exchanged, and two formerly single persons are declared to be married. By contrast, many couples quietly drift into cohabitation. They gradually spend more time together, one moves his or her possessions piece by piece into the other’s residence, one allows his or her lease to expire, and eventually they realize that they are living together full-time.

The two relationships differ dramatically in durability. The average marriage lasts several decades; the average cohabitation, only 15 months. Because their time horizons are longer, married people are much more likely to invest in one another. Husbands and wives almost always pool their assets. They have a single household budget that does not separate “his” and “her” money. They take responsibility for each other’s debts and inherit each other’s estates.

via Salvo Magazine: Cohabitation: Marriage Lite or the New Concubinage? – Salvo 15.

I invite you to read the rest of it.  Most of us -- to be kind and gracious to those who have chosen to "live together" -- don't speak out about these  dramatic differences between concubinage & marriage.   But I promise you... many, many now-single moms and abandoned children are wishing we would.  Life today is already hard enough without this added challenge for those "swimming upstream."  

• What experiences have you had with those who "live together" in your family or circle of friends?  
• What do you wish Christ's Church was doing differently to serve them better?