Talking with Your Children About Sex

One of the things I didn't talk about on Sunday in our "Pure Sex" message (see below) was how to talk with your kids about this topic. My Dad tried - and failed disastrously - and I don't want to fail my kids in the same way. So, here's a little bit of what I've learned about how to address this with your children. Please also COMMENT below with your comments and best ideas, so that we can all learn together.




1) USE GOOD RESOURCES
Thankfully, our church body's publishing house has put together a great series of age-appropriate and gender-specific books, titled "Learning About Sex."  The boys have really enjoyed them, and we've really appreciated having this resource to discuss with them.

They also turned it into a mini-YouTube series which gives parents some really helpful ideas in specific areas.  Each video is only about 2 min. long, I think.





2) TALK FREQUENTLY AND OFTEN
One of the gravest mistakes parents make on this issue is making it "The Talk"... one, big, event. Instead, it should really be an ongoing conversation, when the kids themselves are ready and want to discuss a certain issue. They'll absorb more that way.

When to begin? At the beginning, when you are discussing body parts. Use real words, too, without shame... because God has made us, fearfully, and wonderfully, as we are. By the way... if you wait until age 12, you've waited too long. The average American child today sees porn at age 11 -- on their computer, while their doing their homework. Really.

3) TALK TO GOD NOW ABOUT YOUR ISSUES
We all have ways that we are broken in this area. I wrestled early in life with an interest in porn that I inherited from my Dad. But I also didn't want to pass that on to my sons, so I faced this spiritual issue head-on with a counselor, a good pastor, and my wife. 

Let's be honest... if God doesn't heal us and restore us in our own areas of personal brokenness in this area, we'll just likely pass that on to our kids. Instead, with the Holy Spirit's help, let's put an end to what has no place among God's children.  "Walk as children of light..." (Ephesians 5)

4) FILTER WHAT ENTERS YOUR HOME
As parents, we are the gatekeepers to what our children see and hear. Sure, they will eventually be exposed to many things... but just as we are careful with what they eat and affects their body physically, so we should screen and be careful what they consume spiritually. 

For our family, that means unplugging the cable and TV. Any stuff they see on the screen is filtered and approved by Denyse and myself. (Lately, the boys are enjoying "The Power Rangers" - 1980s, and "The Dick Van Dyke Show" -1960s).  

We also use a Kibosh wireless router in our home (Kibosh.net) to screen everything on every device. It was a little extra work to set up, but we are responsible for protecting our boys.  Denyse has all the control codes too; I don't.  


IN THE END...
We're all going to fail, in one area or another, as parents. We all, along with our children, continually need God's grace, healing, and forgiveness through Jesus. However, if we can avoid passing on bad habits, and help them to build healthy ones, we believe their future spouses and families will be richly blessed. We have been, too.

Please COMMENT below with other good suggestions. Or contact me directly if you want to talk more about this issue; it's important.  ~ Brady

Pure Sex

Man Up! God's Good Design for Men

God's Good Design for Women